I was never a fan of plain M&Ms. I never craved a plain M&M. I never purchased a package at the store or at the movies. I never rummaged through the Easter or Halloween candy belonging to the children of friends or relatives hoping to score a 'fun size' pack of plain M&Ms. Peanut or pretzel M&Ms? Different story. I've got a thing for the salty sweet combo. But plain M&Ms? I just never thought they had that much to offer.
At the museum where I work, a tradition of having an endless supply of plain M&Ms available for staff was started a few years back by a teacher-in-residence. This particular educator was a bit of a pack rat and brought in random stuff that he collected during his off time to 'share' with the rest of us. For example, one day he showed up with a few dozen hard plastic Pillsbury Doughboy dolls and gave them to everyone on staff. Why he thought we would all like a personal Doughboy that didn't even giggle "Hoo-hoo!" when its belly was rubbed was beyond me. Anyway, the M&M tradition began when this teacher brought in one of his yard sale finds--a dispenser in the shape of a couple of M&M guys. He placed it on his desk, filled it with plain M&Ms and announced that he and future teachers-in-residence were responsible for keeping it filled.
People were drawn to to the dispenser. Every day, at least a dozen times a day, someone would walk by, press the lever and take a handful of M&Ms. At first the noise was annoying. There were many interesting responses to the dispensing of the candy. Some people acted surprised when candy came out. "Oh! There are M&Ms in here!" Others did not want to call attention to their candy consumption and attempted to dispense quietly. When that didn't work they seemed almost irritated and would say things like, "Wow, that's way too many... does anyone want some of these?" The best reaction was always from the people who acted as if they had hit the jackpot on a Vegas slot machine. "Woo hoo! M&Ms!!!"
During the first year of the dispenser, I rarely indulged. But the following year brought a new teacher-in-residence and a second dispenser--one that was filled with peanut M&Ms. I helped myself to this candy once or twice a day. I have to admit, it was addicting. And not just for me. Many of my co-workers loved the peanut M&Ms as well. And occasionally there were peanut butter or dark chocolate M&Ms. The fancy flavors always went quickly. It got to the point where the dispensers were no longer being used and people were just digging their hands into the super size bags of candy that were kept on a shelf nearby. Honestly, I don't recall who started this. It may have been me. All I know is that the germaphobes in the office were freaking out and my clothes were getting tighter by the minute. I had to do a self-intervention. I quit cold turkey.
I was M&M free for over a year. And then something happened a couple of months ago. I was having a bad day and as I walked by the teacher-in-residence desk, I took a handful of plain M&Ms from a bag on the shelf above the dispenser. There were none of the peanut variety, otherwise I surely would have selected those instead. At first I was dissatisfied and wondered why I bothered eating candy I didn't even like. But then the sugar rush hit me. My mood improved. I was bubbly and happy and started making noise in our otherwise mostly quiet office--thinking out loud, singing whatever song popped into my head, sharing celebrity gossip, cracking jokes. The M&Ms brought me joy. So much so that almost every time I walked by the bag, I grabbed a handful.
A month or so ago I had one of my regularly scheduled visits to the oncologist. He shared the results of my quarterly CT scan and blood work--still cancer-free! My incisions had healed well and all my vitals were outstanding. There was just one issue. Weight gain. I knew it was coming and at first I blamed cancer. It was the heavy duty steroids administered before each chemotherapy treatment that helped fuel a 15 pound weigh gain over the summer. But that was more than seven months ago and there was no longer a trace of steroids anywhere in my system. I thought about how my eating habits had changed. It was true, I was indulging in some M&Ms, but I questioned how a couple of handfuls of candy a day could lead to such a fast and significant increase in weight. So I conducted an experiment. I put three of my 'handfuls' of M&Ms into a measuring cup and calculated the calories. I practically fainted when I realized I had been eating around 400 calories a day in M&Ms! An additional 2,000 calories a week! It was at that point that I had to be honest with myself and admit that I was packing on the pounds because of my candy coated crack addiction.
It's amazing how you can mindlessly pick up such a bad habit and not completely grasp what you are doing to your body. And how when faced with reality, it is still so easy to deny it. Thankfully, I have entered into a treatment program for sugar addicts and I am happy to say that I am once again M&M free.
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